De-Coop-ing My Life (no offense)

It sure is different now, without him there. And it’s what I chose, so I don’t regret it. But sometimes it’s hard. As I’m sure it’s supposed to be when you break up with someone that’s been such a big part of your life for so long. But now, I am De-Coop-ing my life. My house, my office, and my mind. (The 3 places I spend the most time, lol) 

At home, we are rearranging furniture, rehanging pictures in different places, getting rid of furniture, adding some more… I feel like I have to change whatever I can. This is probably because everywhere I look I see him. Everything reminds me of him, or how he did something, or what he said… At this point, I can’t handle all that. It makes me sad & pissed off. Sad that the one I love is really gone for good. And it was my choice. Pissed off that after all these attempts we couldn’t get it right.

At work, I took down his pictures.. and replaced them with pictures of my daughter. I kept the drawing he made me. And a little piece of paper I found that says, “Sorry about everything. I love you. always have and always will.” I’m not sure why I want to keep it. I guess I don’t need it, but I still love him and I always will, so it stays. For now at least… I’ll get there, it just might take a while.

Which brings us to my mind. God, this one’s the hardest. How do you get someone out of your head that you still have so many feelings for? Believe me, they aren’t all lovey-dovey I promise that. But still very strong feelings both good and bad. I know time heals all wounds, but this one is pretty big. It’s like I ripped myself in half. Half of me is missing now and it’s up to me to find myself and put myself back together. Part of my problem is I’m not the most patient person, I’m more of a RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW kinda person. lol. I guess some part of me thought that this would instantly fix things. Let me just tell you that’s not the case. I guess in the long run it fixes/changes a shit-ton of things, but in the meantime it’s worse. Ohhh, I see, it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. Should’ve known, that is my luck.

On a lighter note. Getting my license all squared away, as soon as the damn BMV processes my SR-50. Nope, not yet (just checked) but hopefully sometime today. Starting back up at the Dog House Sports Bar (Brownsburg) waiting tables next Friday & Saturday night. I neeeeed that lil money. lol Working on some freelance jobs. One I’m actually sketching & illustrating a cartoon for a t-shirt. Pretty exciting for me.

A note for my family. I know I haven’t seen you in a while. This is going to change. I am changing around my priorities to fit family closer to the top. I see everyone’s pictures and stories on FB and I want to be a part of that, to build memories for my daughter and myself. I’m going to make it a point to spend less time in “Apartment B” and more time with good people. I’ve probably said this before, but there’s no better time than the present.

Ok, I’m off. Off on my next adventure. The next chapter in my book. Excited to see where it takes me. And hoping it makes all this pain worth it. 

RIP JAC&JAE

You will be missed…

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  1. […] a few weeks ago when I [attempted to] “De-Cooped My Life“? Well, it was around that time I decided I needed some more changes. I called my friend […]

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